For the uninitiated, BDSM (which stands for Bondage, Dominance, Sadism and Masochism) may seem a quirky, perverted and wrong-headed view of life and of love. In point of fact, many may erroneously believe that it is a lifestyle choice for people of ill-repute or those who enjoy abusing others (or who enjoy being abused). This couldn’t be further from the truth, and is an unfortunate point of view fostered by fear and ignorance.
Paring it down, BDSM comes in two forms – the variety for lifestyle appreciators, and those who prefer the kink or fetish aspect of it. What does this mean? In lifestyle BDSM, two people agree to consensually bring the Dominant/submissive (D/s) dynamic into their relationship on a permanent basis. Sexual pleasure does enter into it on occasion, but it is not the main focus of BDSM lived as a lifestyle. Conversely, kink or fetish BDSM only brings it out at certain times and specifically for sexual gratification to both parties.
Neither is more important or more highly valued than the other. Both forms have pros and cons to consider, and simply put, one may not be for you. Despite what some may think, choice is a huge part of this. There is no abuse, no subjugation, nothing that occurs without the willingly given permission of both parties. In point of fact, there are more than a few people who ‘evolve’ in their preferences, going from utilizing BDSM in the bedroom, to living it 24/7.
Practitioners of BDSM are no more amoral or bad than any other person, and the notion that people who prefer it were somehow mistreated or abused as children is groundless. It ‘is’ possible, just as it is possible for a blind man to be a doctor, or a deaf man to play music or for men to sew a dress or women to shoot a gun, but emotional health and happiness are two of the most important things in a thriving BDSM relationship. While it is true that what the Dom/me says goes, and it is the submissive’s place to please the Dom/me in all things, choice and trust are of the highest importance. If the Submissive doesn’t trust the Dom/me to care for them, to safeguard them, and act with their best interests, or if the Dom/me simply sees their position as one where they can exert their will upon the submissive without consideration for the Submissive’s desires or needs, then the relationship is doomed to failure.
That said, a D/s relationship, much like other ‘different’ relationships must be kept quiet. Average people have a fear of the unknown. This can manifest in ostracism, contempt, hatred, even violence. Livers of alternative lifestyle choices have endured this for ages, like those in the LGBT community. It may be that keeping it secret intensifies the thrill of it, especially for those who live it 24/7. Right out in the open, living and breathing it, while no one else is the wiser. Then there are others, who simply do not care what society at large thinks, and they are very open about their lifestyle choices.
Politics, social mores and a general lack of acceptance (especially in the United States) tends to keep D/s practitioners ‘in the closet.’ Sexual experimentation goes a long way towards helping a potential submissive or Dom/me figure out what feels good, what works for them, and what they want out of a relationship, but with so much of society trying to tamp down on what seems ‘perverse’, is it any wonder that some people have issues with sharing their emotions, needs and wants with a potential partner? They spend so much time bottling it up because everyone around them says that those internal things are ‘wrong’, that sadly, sometimes they believe it. But with a firm yet loving hand, a skilled Dom/me can work to bring the shy submissive out of their shell, and to thrive.
BDSM online community:
https://fetlife.com/
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6140094
